Recompense
by Peet
Summary: Spike comes back to Sunnydale - Soul in tow - Set after season 6. Does NOT take Season 7 or season 5 of Angel into account. Started 7 years ago... I'm just continuing my unfinished story.
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: Recompense  
  
DISCLAIMER: Regretfully I don't own any of these characters.  
  
SPOILERS: Starts straight after Season 6, speculation for Season 7.  
  
COUPLING: Buffy & Spike are the Romeo & Juliet of our time. only hopefully not quite as tragic.  
  
FEEDBACK: Please!  
  
RATING: PG13 - Maybe a higher rating at a later stage though.  
  
  
  
Prologue  
  
"You have endured the required trials."  
  
"Bloody right I have. So you'll give me what I want, make me what I was, so Buffy can get what she deserves?"  
  
"Very well. we will return. your soul."  
  
  
  
"Oh hell, oh hell" Spike screamed as his head was filled with visions of murder, sacrifice and bloodshed. The worst of it was, he had been the cause! How. how could he have done so many terrible things to people? He had brought death to thousands, men, woman and children. He was a monster... As his mind filtered through the carnage he had caused, one face was continually present. Buffy. Buffy. Buffy.  
  
What had he done to her? He was sitting in a cave, head in hands, sobbing repeatedly "Buffy, no. what have I done? What have I done?"  
  
Of all the atrocities he had committed, wounding Buffy, hurting Buffy was the primary thought on his mind. She was his soul mate; his forever. and he'd tried to kill her time and time again. And then, just when they were beginning to come to some semblance of friendship, he'd tried to rape her! He could've given his old self plenty of reasons why. He could have justified his actions and somehow, turned it around on her. But Spike had a soul now. He knew he was to blame. And he knew he had to seek retribution.  
  
He had no clothes, he was wounded in numerous places on his body, and he could barely walk, but now he had a purpose. He had a reason to go on. He had to go to Buffy. He had to try and make her forgive him.  
  
1. The Return.  
  
He didn't know how to approach her. How could he ever expect her to speak to him again after all he had done to her, to her family, to her friends, to the human race? He wasn't worthy of being the ground she walked on. But he had to try.  
  
He stood at the tree, the tree she had secretly named "Spikes Tree". He watched and waited, looking for the perfect time to make himself known. He had such pent up feelings of nervousness, reliving their last encounter in his mind over and over again until he knew every expression on her face, every disgusting move he'd made.  
  
Suddenly the front door to the Summer's residence opened. Buffy & Xander walked out, she had a stake in her hand; they looked like they were on their way to patrol.  
  
". the letter also said she'd met a phlegm spitting Nagler demon in rehab who reminded her of me" Xander was saying as they strolled down the path. "Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?"  
  
"Well, at least you can be pleased that she appears to be doing a little better, has a bit of her old humour back anyway. I never thought Willow would get over Tara, and she probably never will, but at least she's not on self destruction mode any more" Buffy replied.  
  
Spike felt light headed when she spoke. It felt like an eternity since he'd seen or heard her. He kept hidden for a while, waiting to hear what else they might say.  
  
"So", Xander started cautiously, "Any news from the world of the first class rapist, slash crazy man, slash peroxide boy, slash creature of the night?" Xander asked, his voice displaying a note of disgust.  
  
"Spike? Nar, think he's left us for good this time! Pity, Dawn misses him, she's pissed, but she still misses him."  
  
"And what about you Buffster, do you miss him as well?" Xander probed.  
  
Buffy looked down, she sighed deeply and said "No, no I don't. He was bad news. I don't care if I never see him again".  
  
Spike felt like his world had come to an end. She hated him! Really, really hated him. Could he blame her though? He hated himself. "Maybe I should just sit down and stay here until the sun comes up. At least when I die, I'll be laid to rest at the only place that has felt like home to me," he thought.  
  
But a voice inside his head kept telling him not to give up, don't give up yet Spike.  
  
He watched the figures of Xander and Buffy walking down the road, still chatting amongst themselves, then briskly turned and headed towards his crypt.  
  
Clem was sitting in his chair, watching repeats of Hollywood Squares on television. He was laughing at Paul Lynde's stupid comments when Spike opened the door.  
  
"Clem, old mate, how ya been?" Spike asked the startled demon.  
  
"Spike! It's been 3 months! I'd given you up for dead!" Clem replied, as he threw his arms around Spike and gave him a friendly hug.  
  
"Alright, enough of that. Nobody is to know I'm back right? You can keep my stuff, and the crypt, I'm just back to get a few things, then I'm going into hiding again. Make sure you don't tell anyone I'm back, ya hear?" Spike pleaded.  
  
"There's something different about you. Apart from the fact that you're not blonde any more. there's something in your eyes." Clem tilted his head to the side and started at Spike.  
  
"Yeah, went on a little trip mate, had some "counselling" I guess you could call it".  
  
"Alright, your secret is safe with me, just don't hurt those nice people, Dawns a cute kid and I'd hate to see her dead". Clem looked reproachfully at him, waiting for assurance that all was ok.  
  
"I could never hurt them Clem. Don't worry. Anyway, I'll be seeing you, and remember, Not a word." Spike went down to the lower level of the crypt and lifted the mattress off his bed.  
  
Underneath was an envelope, he opened the envelope and a few pictures of Buffy and Dawn fell out. He stared at them for a while; drinking in the beauty of his Buffy, then put them in the pocket of his jeans.  
  
He headed to the grave that he'd used as a wardrobe and opened it up. Inside was a bag, a few pairs of jeans, some shirts and a jar full of cash. He packed all these up in the bag and headed out of the crypt, giving Clem a wave as he left.  
  
"Where to go" Spike thought. "Somewhere she won't find me obviously. she'd take it the wrong way, think I was back with evil intentions." He walked for most of the night, lugging his bag on his shoulder, then had an idea. "Of course! Nobody's been there in years! And I doubt Angel will want it any more". Spike strode off towards Angel's mansion with a spring in his step. When the world looked like it was falling apart, you never knew what was around the corner!  
  
The mansion was filthy, dust covered everything. But it was fully furnished, and there was electricity, which Angel had connected to the government quarry a block away. He set straight to work, sweeping and scrubbing to make the place livable. He had to do something to keep his mind occupied, he was heavily involved in his work and didn't realise it was daylight until his hand passed through a beam of sunlight. "Bugger" Spike grunted as he examined his burnt hand. "Time to call it a day I think."  
  
He headed to the bedroom; it had been the first thing he'd cleaned, finding fresh sheets and towels in a linen closet. He had a quick shower and crawled into bed. Of course, no sleep was to be had, so he began contemplating how he was going to let Buffy know he was back, and how he was ever going to make her forgive him.  
  
When he woke up, it was just sunset. He had dreamt about Buffy. She was happy to see him, she kissed him. It was like old times, only better, because there was no animosity between them. It gave him a feeling of hope. He had a vague idea what he had to do, he had to earn her love and respect, and he had to start straight away.  
  
He found himself at the tree again. It was like an old friend, a comfortable groove had been indented on the trunk from all the times he'd frequented it. He'd stopped at Meyer's on the way over and bought Buffy some Eternity Rose perfume. He didn't know if she liked it, but the smell reminded him of her, so he thought it perfect. He had it gift wrapped, and on the card, a simple "I love you" was written.  
  
He staked the house for about 20 minutes, just to make sure he wouldn't be seen, then raced up and left the gift at her front door. He then assumed his usual position at the tree.  
  
A few hours later, he saw her making her way down the street. She looked bruised and battered and incredibly exhausted. She trundled up the pathway to her house and spotted the present on the porch. She was suspicious of it, as he knew she would be. Before she touched it, she looked around, making sure nobody was watching her, and then inspected the gift. After realising there was no spring action badness attached to it, she bent down for a closer inspection. Noticing the card, she opened it and read it. The minute she'd read the brief message, she looked straight at the tree. Spike had anticipated such and had climbed into the branches, making it impossible for him to be seen.  
  
She put the card in her pocket and slowly opened the present. When she saw the bottle, she smiled. She had a sniff and then, cautiously, sprayed some perfume into the air. It smelt like normal perfume. It didn't have any chemical smell to it, she didn't think it'd been drugged.. and it smelt damn good. She decided to throw caution to the wind and sprayed some on her wrists.  
  
Spike saw the smile, could virtually read her thoughts with every move she made. He was glad she was being so careful. A lot of people wanted the Slayer dead. What a perfect way to kill her. He was thankful he hadn't thought of it when he was evil.  
  
He watched her spray it on her wrists, then picked the wrapping up with the bottle back inside and go into her house. As the door closed, he turned around and walked to the mansion. A smile of satisfaction on his face. He loved to make her happy. Even if she didn't know who had given the gift to her, he'd still made her happy.  
  
In the following weeks, Spike would only ever leave the mansion to purchase gifts for Buffy and to leave them at her front door. He would wait for hours, just to see the expression of excitement on her face when she saw another present waiting for her.  
  
The gifts he gave her varied, from the video An Affair to Remember, and jewellery to a gift voucher for a massage at the local beauty parlour. He'd had to bribe the beautician for that one, but she'd been cooperative when he'd explained that it was a gift for a work colleague, with whom he was suffering a bad case of an unrequited love. She said something about it being so romantic and she wouldn't ruin it for the world!  
  
After about two months of this, Spike realised that the time would eventually come when Buffy would find out he was back in town. Whether it be she ran into him herself, or heard from someone else that he was back.  
  
He was on his way over one day when he noticed Buffy walking around the tree, examining the ground. He'd quit smoking when he'd gotten his soul back. There was something too sinister in the action. It's not like he was addicted to it anyway, it was all part of "the look". He had no look any more. He'd bought himself some new clothes, different clothes. Blue jeans and shirts. Things he thought he'd never wear.  
  
He didn't know what he was going to do with himself, but he knew, the time of confrontation was near. He thought it was best that he didn't surprise her, so he wrote her a letter. It took 3 hours until he was satisfied with what it said. Then, instead of leaving his customary gift at her front door, he left the letter. Buffy,  
  
I'm back.  
  
I would love to see you, to talk to you.  
  
If you would oblige me, I will meet you just after sunset at the Expresso Pump.  
  
Bring weapons if you would feel more comfortable, but please, come alone.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Spike. 


	2. Chapter 2

2.  
  
In the two months since Spike left, Buffy had been lonely. She had Dawn and Xander, but she missed Willow, Giles and Spike. She could hardly believe she missed Spike, but had to admit it, she missed him. She missed his witty sarcasm and she missed looking at him. He was incredibly attractive. She guessed she was just selfish, because she also missed having a 'willing slave' as he'd sung to her once. She never realised just how much she enjoyed having him love her until he was gone. Only because it was good for the ego she told herself.  
  
She knew that she didn't love him. How could you love an evil, soulless beast? And that last night, the night when he'd tried to. no, she'd suppressed that, it hurt too much to think about it. Anyway, he'd proved many times that he was incapable of trust. But he'd also proved that he was dependable, reliable and willing to die for her. Spike was like two sides of the same coin. She couldn't understand him. She didn't hate him. They'd been through too much together. And when she slept with him. well, she'd never felt that fulfilled in her life. He could do things to her that her other lovers would only dream of! She got excited just remembering what they'd done and felt a now familiar ache in her loins.  
  
She'd been incredibly surprised when he'd left. After such proclamations of love and devotion, he'd taken off when she needed him. She'd been hurt, but didn't understand why she felt betrayed. She should have been glad he was gone! And anyway, she had more pressing matters to deal with. Tara was dead; Willow had gone on a rampage. it didn't leave much time for pondering on Spikes disappearance. It was when everything started to calm down, when Giles took Willow to England with him, to a magic rehabilitation facility run by The Watchers Council that she thought most about him. She found herself walking around the cemetery looking for him and peering in the windows of his crypt. But she'd only see Clem, sitting in Spikes chair watching TV.  
  
Then, the gifts started to arrive.  
  
She loved the presents; every single one was exactly to her taste! She felt like she was being watched all the time, but it wasn't a malevolent feeling so she didn't let it worry her. It occurred to her that it was Spike, but when she checked the tree, she found no evidence of him. No cigarette butts, no flattened grass. Not like before. She'd even visited Willies Bar and asked around, but nobody had seen him. She thought Clem acted a little strangely when she'd questioned him, but didn't really think much of his fumbling because he was an odd sought of demon.  
  
She eventually put the presents down to some secret admirer, and found it all rather romantic. Then, this morning when she'd returned from a night of slaying, she saw the note.  
  
Buffy opened the letter and read it's contents. "I knew it!" she thought.  
  
She went into her lounge room and sat on the couch. How did she feel about this? She was surprised because she didn't expect this feeling of excitement. Did she want to see him? Was she looking forward to seeing him?  
  
She put the note on the coffee table and went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of hot chocolate. As she was thinking deeply about what to do, Dawn came in.  
  
"I thought it was you, you're home late!" she said, rubbing sleep from her eyes.  
  
"What?" said Buffy, shaken from her stupor "Oh, Dawn, sorry if I was too loud. Yeah, found a nest of Vampires and took them out. Took a while. Hope I didn't' worry you".  
  
"Nar" replied Dawn, "knew you were up to no good. So, I've invited Clem over tonight to watch 'An Affair To Remember'. I told him about how you found it and he said it was his favourite movie. Hope you don't mind."  
  
"That's fine. Just don't let him raid the pantry like last time. We need the money and he eats a lot." Buffy said with a smile. She was glad Dawn enjoyed Clem's company. She thought about her friendship with him and decided that she must feel closer to Spike when she's with him. Suddenly, she realised that the letter from Spike was still on the coffee table. She put down her hot chocolate and race out of the room. Thankfully the letter was where she'd left it. She folded it up and put it in her pocket.  
  
"I'm just going to catch a couple of hours of sleep Dawnie". She walked up the stairs, heading towards her bedroom.  
  
"Yeah, I'm going to go back to bed as well." Dawn said with a yawn.  
  
In her bedroom, she read the letter again. He sounded ok. She liked the fact that he didn't expect her to trust him. She'd leant her lesson there. Should she tell Dawn he was back? What if she did, and Dawn tried to see him and he could hurt her? No, Buffy thought, I'll wait and see what he says first. With that, she realised she'd made up her mind to meet with him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Spike left the second the sun went down. He didn't know if he was scared or excited, or nervous. All he knew was that he was going to see her. speak to her. no more hiding! He ordered himself a Cappuccino and sat down to wait.  
  
She was late. She approached slowly and warily, looking in the window. She looked around and finally saw him. She couldn't believe how much he'd changed! His hair had grown out, it was a dark honey blonde, and was longer than normal, curling around his ears. He seemed nervous and kept running his hand through it. He wasn't wearing his usual clothes either she noticed. He was in dark blue cargo pants, a grey shirt and brown boots. She had to admit, he looked adorable! Was this the same Spike who had left in such a hurry 4 months ago?  
  
He looked up and their eyes met. He started to rise, then seemed check himself and smiled at her. It was too late to turn back now! She approached him.  
  
"Spike." Was all she could say.  
  
"Hello Buffy" he replied, quietly. "You look beautiful."  
  
She looked down and blushed.  
  
"Please, take a seat" he said, indicating to the seat opposite her.  
  
She sat down and tried to look busy, searching for a waiter. When one arrived, she ordered a decaf late with a shot of caramel. Then, she looked up at him and shook her head in wonder.  
  
"I don't know what to say, you look so. different". She seemed to be surprised! He didn't think he looked too differently, but considering he couldn't see his reflection, he didn't question her.  
  
"Yeah, well. I am different." He replied, looking down at his cappuccino. This wasn't going as planned! He'd forgotten all he'd wanted to say to her! He was just about to apologise for inconveniencing her, and leave, when he noticed her wrist. She was wearing the bracelet he'd given her a few weeks ago.  
  
She saw where he was looking and pulled her hand away. They looked at each other, she appeared apprehensive, and so he smiled, trying to relieve her of her anxiety. "So, it WAS you? All those gifts. they came from you?" she said softly, not daring to look at him.  
  
"Yes, it was me. I thought it might soften the blow a little when you found out I was back."  
  
Ok, Spike thought. Down to business. "Um, I wanted to meet you to tell you something. Something has happened to me and I don't know how it will affect you, but I want you to know that I will never touch you again. I love you. I will always love you. But I won't force my attentions on you anymore. I can't believe what I almost did, what I tried to do. I. I get sick when I think about it. It was inexcusable, um. I'm sorry Buffy, I'm so terribly, terribly sorry." He knew he was rushing everything, but he just wanted to get it out. He'd been thinking it for months and it felt good to finally have it out.  
  
"Yeah, well. As you keep telling me, you're evil!" Buffy answered, looking at her coffee. When she looked up, she noticed he had a look of infinite pain on his face. She didn't know what to make of it.  
  
"What's happened to you Spike? Is it the chip, have you found a way to have it removed?" Buffy asked him, a little defensively.  
  
"No Buffy, the chip is still there, but it's not needed anymore. I won't be hurting anyone again that's for sure." He took a deep breath and continued. "I want to tell you about where I've been and what happened to me. I want you to know because I don't want to lie to you anymore."  
  
"Ok," Buffy said, "I can't deny that I'm not a little interested."  
  
Spike leant forward, so he didn't have to speak above the crowd. "I've been in Africa."  
  
"Africa!" Buffy asked incredulously.  
  
"Yeah", Spike continued. "Zaire actually, a little village outside of Bongandanga. There was a shaman there who offers rewards when you complete his tasks. After what I did to you. I had to do something. So I went to see him. I completed his tasks. Nearly killed me, and then he gave me my reward."  
  
"So," Buffy asked, "What was the reward? A life time supply of blood?" She gave a nervous laugh.  
  
"My soul" Spike said. There, he'd finally told her!  
  
"Your sou. you have a Soul Spike?" She asked, amazed.  
  
"That's right. A pesky soul. I'm filled with bloody dread even as we speak!" Spike said, laughing nervously, attempting to lighten the mood.  
  
"But, but you don't seem all broody and Angel like!" Buffy stated, she was staring at him, trying to see inside of him.  
  
"Everyone is different, so everyone reacts differently. I know there is nothing I can do to make up for what I did over a hundred-year period. And besides, Angel was cursed. He was supposed to remember what he'd done and atone for it for the rest of his undead life. Whereas, I was given mine. No curse involved. Natural human instinct is to block out that which is most painful, and I've found myself forgetting the actual events over the past couple of months. I still feel utter remorse over my actions, but the guilt is starting to subdue a bit."  
  
"Woo Spike. slow down!" Buffy said. She was trying to comprehend what he'd just told her. He had a soul! She now had no reason to refuse him! But she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe it felt good to be able to refuse him, so then he couldn't refuse her.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and continued "Look Spike, I have to think about this! I'm going out to patrol. I'll tell Dawn you're back tonight. Can you come over tomorrow night? We can talk some more. I'm not forgiving you yet though. This might all be some elaborate ploy to get in good with us, making it easier to kill us. Just remember that!"  
  
"Of course Buffy. There's no way I'd expect forgiveness from you so soon. And what you said is right. Don't trust me, not yet, not until I've earned it. Although, it will be good to see the Niblet again," he said with a sad smile. He'd really missed that kid.  
  
She stood up to leave hastily. She gave him a nod, then turned around and left. Spike watched her go and then finished his cappuccino. He felt like a tremendous burden had been taken off his shoulders. In fact, he hadn't felt this good in months! 


	4. Chapter 4

4.  
  
How was she going to tell Dawn? She regretted inviting him over. It was a spontaneous action, something done in a moment of weakness. She was afraid that Spike would see what she was feeling! She didn't even know herself what she was feeling! She did a quick sweep of the cemetery, then headed home.  
  
Dawn was sitting in the lounge room when she entered, watching the movie. Clem was sitting next to her eating a big bowl of popcorn.  
  
"Hey Buffy." Clem said, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. "How's those evil demons? Dawn told me about the vamps you killed last night, any more action tonight?"  
  
"Nope, tonight was bad dudes free" Buffy answered as she dumped her weapons bag on the hallway floor. "Um. Dawn, I have to tell you something."  
  
Dawn looked up at Buffy. "So??? What's so dire that it can't wait until the end of the movie, it's up to the part where they're supposed to meet at the Empire State Building."  
  
"Oh, it can wait I guess," Buffy said, then looked at her out of the corner of her eye. "I just thought you'd want to know is all, but, never mind. I'll tell you in the morning, I'm off to bed. Night Clem." Buffy made as if to go up the stairs when Dawn interrupted "Ok, ok, now you've got me curious. What's up?"  
  
"Ok. um, Clem already knows this apparently," Buffy began, tripping on her words, unsure how to go on. "Basically, Spikes back."  
  
"What?" yelled Dawn, her eyes lighting up and a big grin on her face.  
  
"Yeah, and he's coming over for dinner tomorrow night." Buffy continued. "Lets not tell anyone about this ok?" Buffy said, insinuating Xander.  
  
"Oh, I'm so glad he finally told you!" Clem uttered, relieved. "I've been dying to say something about it but promised him I wouldn't say a word."  
  
"So, did you see him while you were on patrol?" Dawn asked, eager to know every detail.  
  
"Uh. no. He left a note, telling me he was back, and I met him for coffee tonight." Buffy replied.  
  
"You met him for coffee and didn't tell me? That's wrong Buffy! He's my friend too." Dawn was hurt at Buffy's mistrust.  
  
"I know Dawnie, but he's been gone a while, and I just wanted to make sure he hadn't, um. changed before I told you." Buffy replied. "Fact is, he HAS changed, but apparently for the better. He tells me he has a soul now. But Dawn, don't go jumping to conclusions. You know Spike! Could just be some hoax. don't want to take any chances. We'll have to be on our guard ok?"  
  
"I knew there was something different about him!" Clem said, excited and childlike.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy continued, "anyway, he's coming over at sunset tomorrow night. He says he's looking forward to 'seeing his niblet' which I can only suppose is you Dawnie."  
  
Dawn flushed with pleasure at this remark. She'd missed him so much, it was good to hear her familiar nick name again.  
  
"Anyways, I'm off to bed. You two keep watching your movie. Good seeing you again Clem." Buffy climbed the stairs to her bedroom.  
  
The following day, Dawn was so excited she hardly knew how she'd survive a day at school. "Spikes back Janice!" was the first thing she said when she got there. "Remember, the totally old guy I've told you about who loves Buffy?"  
  
"Oh right!" Janice replied, understanding. "So, what's happening? Didn't you say he left because he'd hurt Buffy? Are they going to smooch and make up?" Janice giggled.  
  
"Oh, I don't know. He's coming over for dinner tonight, just can't wait to see him again." Dawn sighed.  
  
"Jeesh Dawn," Janice sighed "You'd think you had a crush on him or something!"  
  
"No, it's not like that!" Dawn said, exasperated. "Remember when I told you how Buffy went away last summer? Well, it was Spike who looked after me. He's like a brother to me."  
  
When Dawn got home, she found Buffy in the kitchen cooking curried chicken. She seemed to be stressed and Dawn couldn't figure out why.  
  
"So Dawn, do you think I should go to the blood bank and get some blood, or will he just have to settle for this?" she asked Dawn, motioning to the food.  
  
Dawn looked at Buffy and realised that she was just as excited as herself. Buffy. excited about seeing Spike! This was a revelation! The last she'd heard, Buffy couldn't stand him! It pleased her to see her making such a fuss. "Mmmm, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have some blood in the fridge" she said, trying to act like nothing was amiss.  
  
"Buffy, I've been thinking," Dawn started, "What will we do if Xander turns up tonight. You know he's not Spikes favourite groupie."  
  
"Yeah, I thought the same thing, so I rang Xander and told him you and I were having a sisters night together, but we'd love to see him tomorrow night. Did I do right do you think?" She asked Dawn. There was a tone of nervousness in her voice.  
  
"For the time being, I guess so. But he's gonna have to know Spikes back sooner or later." Dawn replied.  
  
"I'd much rather it be later. Oh my god, look at the time! I haven't even had a shower yet! Dawn, can you keep an eye on this for me while I run up and have a quick one?" and with that, Buffy raced up the stairs.  
  
A few hours later, Buffy and Dawn were dressed and ready. Buffy had gone to the local blood bank and slipped a bag of A+ in her tote. Dawn looked at Buffy and thought how radiant she looked. She was wearing a black peasant top with a denim skirt and knee high black boots. She'd spent a while making her hair and makeup just perfect. Dawn hadn't seen her this concerned with her looks since Riley! It made her feel warm inside.  
  
They were talking between themselves when the door bell rang. Dawn yelled "I'll get it" and raced off. Buffy stayed in the kitchen and heard Dawn squeal, then went out to meet her guest. Standing in the doorway, giving Dawn a huge bear hug, was Spike. He looked up when Buffy entered the room and smiled. "Hi Buffy. You look radiant." He said. "That's what I thought when I saw her!" Dawn said, excited.  
  
"Yeah, well. I don't know why, not wearing anything special." Buffy mumbled, embarrassed that she'd been caught out.  
  
Spike walked over to Buffy and offered her a single, long stemed red rose. She blushed and took it, putting it in a vase. "Thank you Spike, but you can stop wasting your money on presents now."  
  
"I never considered it a waste. I like spending money on you." He replied earnestly.  
  
"Oh my god Spike, you're so different!" Dawn was bursting with joy. "Look at your hair! And your clothes! You're like a different person!".  
  
"I am a different person pet." Spike whispered in reply. Dawn looked at him and said "So, it's true? You're like Angel now? You've got a look in your eyes, not the same old Spike" "Yeah, it's true. But with no bloomin' curse to go with it thankfully!"  
  
"Well, dinners ready guys. Um, Spike, I've got you a pint of blood if you want it. There's also curry chicken." Buffy fumbled, embarrassed that it showed she'd gone to so much effort.  
  
"Both sound super, I'll have the chicken first if that's ok?" Spike replied.  
  
As they walked to the dining room table, Dawn bombarded him with questions. "So, where've you been, what did you do? Why were you gone so long?"  
  
Spike laughed, "I'll explain everything to you luv, just lets eat first."  
  
Both Buffy and Dawn looked at Spike when he laughed. They'd never heard him laugh with joy before. None of his cynicism present. It was a sweet laugh, full of emotion.  
  
The night went perfectly. Dawn & Spike chatted like old hens and Buffy watched from the sidelines. Every now and then she and Spike would make eye contact, it was like they'd just met.  
  
She had to keep reminding herself that this was Spike. Evil Spike who had stalked her and fought with her, then protected her and her sister. then, eventually, tried to do the unthinkable to her. Spike who had cried when she died, Spike who had spent the entire summer working with people who hated him and who had little or no respect for him, all because he loved her. Had he changed much?  
  
This was the man who had accepted what little Buffy had to offer him, her body, because he realised it was all she had to give. She'd treated him badly, she'd used him, she'd hurt him. And she'd done it because she knew she could. And then he'd gone too far. But she knew at the time, just as she knew now, that he never intended for it to get so far out of control.  
  
Eventually it was time for Dawn to go to bed. She had school the following day and it was already too late. She was disappointed but Spike promised to see her soon. She said her good nights and went to her room.  
  
When she was gone, Spike and Buffy sat in uncomfortable silence for a while. "The food was great." Spike eventually said, looking at Buffy. "Thanks" she replied.  
  
"Anyway, maybe I should make a move. I'm still cleaning my place up and there's a lot to be done." Spike said, obviously reluctantly.  
  
"Oh right!" Buffy replied. "Where are you staying anyway? Clem was over last night and said how you'd let him keep the crypt."  
  
"Um, well. I hope you don't get angry at this, but I've actually moved into Angel's mansion. Figured it was just wasting space up there and was perfect for me.  
  
"No, not at all!" Buffy said, just a little shocked. "That's a great idea!  
  
"So, I'll be going then." Spike said as he rose from his chair.  
  
Buffy walked him to the front door and opened it for him.  
  
He looked at her for a few seconds, staring into her soul and said "Goodnight Buffy, I hope I see you soon." He walked down the path, stopping at the end to turn around and give her a slight wave. She suddenly realised she had to tell him how she felt. She called out to him, he stopped and turned around and she ran to meet him.  
  
"Spike, I just want you to know that I'm glad you're back. I've kind of missed you." And with that, she ran back into the house and closed the door, hardly believing she'd opened herself up to him so much.  
  
Spike was a little taken aback by what she'd said. He stood, staring at the door for a while, then turned around and continued walking away.  
  
She watched him from the window until he'd disappeared and then slowly closed the curtains and went up to her bedroom. 


	5. Chapter 5

Buffy awoke the next day feeling refreshed and happy. Both feelings had been noticeable absent of late, so it was a nice change.  
  
She met Dawn in the kitchen. "Where's Spike?" Dawn enquired.  
  
"At his place sticky beak! Why would you assume anything else?"  
  
"Oh," Dawn replied, "I thought by the way you two were looking at each other that he might have stayed the night." She said, cheekily.  
  
"Well, he didn't. He was the perfect gentleman." She said, almost to herself.  
  
"Anyway, I'm off to school. Is it ok if we invite him around again tomorrow night?"  
  
"We'll see Dawn. He might have things to do." And with that, Dawn left.  
  
Buffy made a decision, raced up to her room, got dressed and left. She was going to see Spike.  
  
She hadn't been to the mansion in about two years. When Angel first left, she'd go up there every opportunity she could get, just to feel closer to him. But when Riley came on the scene, her visits became less frequent.  
  
It had changed, on the outside it looked a little more rundown than usual. She walked up the steps and knocked on the door. No answer. She tried the handle and the door was open. "Spike?" She said, although very softly. She looked around and saw that he had indeed been cleaning the place up. The marble floors were scrubbed, the furniture cleaned. It looked like the same old place, except with notable differences. There was a TV for one thing, something Angel didn't possess, and a stereo next to the fireplace.  
  
She made her way through the labrynth of rooms and found the bedroom. She quietly opened the door and saw Spike. He was asleep, curled up on the bed that had caused her so much joy, and so much pain all those years ago. He looked like a baby, laying in a fetal position, a small smile on his face. Buffy quietly entered the room and sat on a chair next to the bed, just watching him. There was a turned down book on the bedside table, "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert A Heinlein. She sat there for what seemed like hours, watching him sleep. Wondering what it was she felt for this man. When finally he opened his eyes.  
  
"Buffy! What are you doing here?" He asked, incredibly surprised to see her.  
  
"I was in the neighbourhood, so." she answered, with a mischevious smile.  
  
"Have you been waiting long? Would you like a cup of coffee or something? You should've woken me." He had sat up and was covering himself, modesty and Spike? It was weird!  
  
She realised he was genuinely upset that he hadn't known she was there, so decided to bluff a little. "Actually, I just got her, I must have woken you. Sorry."  
  
"Don't apologise to me love, couldn't think of a better way to wake up." He answered with a smile.  
  
Buffy was slightly embarrassed about his frankness, it was one thing about him that hadn't changed, and when realising that, it was a little comforting. "Well, I just came over to tell you that I'm going to tell Xander you're back tonight. Just thought I should warn you, you're not his favourite person. as you probably already know."  
  
"Right. It's probably a good thing he doesn't know where I'm staying then." Spike said, with a small laugh. "Thank you again for diner." He added as an afterthought, looking into her eyes.  
  
Buffy was captivated with how penetrating his gaze was, those blue eyes seemed to reach to the bottom of her soul. With that thought she noticed that there wasn't one menacing thing about him anymore. She was suddenly aware that everything he'd been telling her was the truth. He really did have a soul. He wasn't evil anymore.  
  
"Oh, think nothing of it." She replied, breaking the contact. "Actually, Dawn wanted to know if you would like to come over again tomorrow night! I, um. told her that you'd probably be busy so please don't feel like you're obligated to come over."  
  
"I'd love to come Buffy, if it's alright with you that is." Spike replied.  
  
"Look, this is ridiculous" Buffy suddenly exclaimed! She got up and started pacing the room. "We're acting like we don't know each other! When it all comes down to it, you're Spike! You may have a different way of looking at things, but you're still Spike, and I'm still Buffy, and we've been through too much to be uncomfortable with each other. So let's just pick things up where they left off. that is, without the violence and sex - oh god, did I really just say that?" Buffy didn't know where all of that frustration had come from, but she did knew she felt much better after her little outburst.  
  
"Yeah, you said it luv," Spike replied "and it's about time one of us did. I was going crazy with all this politeness! You're right, I'm Spike, so whenever you need a punching bag, you know where to find me."  
  
She looked at him and saw he was smiling. She wondered how long it would take her to adjust to this knew Spike.  
  
"Well, I guess I'd better go." She picked up her jacket and headed for the door. Before she reached it, she felt a hand on her arm, restraining her. "Buffy" Spike said, a look of desperation on his face "I meant what I said before, I will never hurt you again."  
  
"I know Spike." And with that, she opened the door and left.  
  
Spike paced the room for a while after she'd gone and wondered what would happen now. He was glad the initial meeting was over, but there was so much more to do! Trust to be built, love to be captured. He was in for a rough time, he could sense it. He felt claustrophobic in his room so when twilight came, he headed outside. It was a beautiful night. The stars were shining, and without realising it, he found himself in Buffy's neighbourhood. He stared at her house for a moment, and then turned around to leave, as he turned, he collided with someone, making them drop the parcel they had in their hands. "Oh, sorry mate, let me help you," he said as he bent down to pick up the parcel. As he prepared to rise, he realised the man he'd collided with was staring at him. "Oh you diabolical fiend Spike! When did you get back?" It was Xander.  
  
"And now my night is complete!" Spike muttered under his breath. "Harris." Spike said nodding his head in acknowledgement.  
  
Before he knew what was happening, Xander had grabbed Spike by the collar and had him pined up against the tree. "Why did you come back Spike?" He breathed in his face. "Didn't finish what you started? Thought you might get another chance to rape Buffy?" Spike didn't know how to respond. He started to tell him that it wasn't his intention but Xander kept going. "If I ever, and I mean ever see you anywhere near this house or near Buffy and Dawn, I'll personally drive a stake through your heart. It should've been done a long time ago. You're nothing but a demon, and you'll keep your demon hands away from my friends."  
  
Spike had finally had enough of Xander's tirade. He broke away from his grasp and stared at him. Finally, he said "what ever way you try to wound me Xander, whatever you say in the hopes of belittling me, I've already said it to myself. Save your breath mate. There's nothing, nothing you could do or say to me that would have any impact on me."  
  
"Care to make a wager on that?" Xander replied, punching Spike in the face.  
  
Dawn heard the commotion outside and opened the door to investigate, when she saw what was going on she ran outside and pulled Xander off Spike. "Xander, what the hell are you doing?" She screamed. "Stay out of this Dawn" Xander replied, "he's not going to be allowed to get away with this anymore." Xander kept punching Spike, over and over again.  
  
"Buffy" Dawn screamed, knowing she couldn't do anything to stop this. Buffy heard her cry and ran out to see what was happen. She grabbed Xander and threw him into her front yard, then she turned around and helped Spike up. "I told you not to make an appearance tonight! I haven't told him yet!" She said with vengeance. "Told me what?" Xander said, still seething with rage. "Xander, Spike's back because he now has a soul". Buffy said. "Ha! And you believe him when he tells you that do you?" Xander asked in disbelief. "What is it with you women?"  
  
That was it. Buffy was through with the condensation "Whether you care to believe it or not, it's true. He DOES have a soul. He's not hurting anyone. And you're not to touch him. Now, both of you come inside. I think our neighbours have seen enough entertainment for one night." And with that she marched into her house. Dawn grabbed Spike by the arm and pulled him in, not looking at Xander, who gradually followed. 


	6. Chapter 6

6.  
  
Xander Harris hated Spike. He'd hated him for as long as he could remember. In his eyes, he was evil. Nothing could be done to take that feeling away.  
  
He wasn't one to listen to his subconscious. If he had, it would have been telling him that his feelings of hate were mainly based on jealousy. Yeah, Spike was evil, but he was cool. He had a way with the ladies. He was layed back. and, worst of all, he had an attachment to Buffy which wasn't exactly found to be repulsive by the lady in question. But. Xander hated him. Purely and simply. There would be no mourning over Spikes death when the time finally came. And Xander wanted more than anything to be there when it happened.  
  
To see Buffy and Dawn defending Spike, taking Spikes side over Xander - it was more than he could bare! He knew he couldn't do anything to Spike. If he did, all hell would break lose and he'd lose two of his best friends. But he had to think of SOMETHING to do! Couldn't they see he was just bluffing? There was no way Spike had a soul! You don't just go out and buy one, it was all a plot.  
  
He watched them together at the dinner table, Dawn giggling at everything Spike said and Buffy actually blushing every time Spike looked at her. He was disgusted! He didn't speak much, only when a comment or question was directed at him, he was counting down the minutes until he could leave. Eventually dinner was over. He stood up and took his plate out to the kitchen. Buffy noticed he was gone and followed him.  
  
"Xander," Buffy started, "I know you're pissed off at Spike, you have every right to be, but we have to give him a go! I'm not saying I trust him completely yet, but we can't just turn our back on him. You understand that right?"  
  
"Not really. The way I see it, just because he has a soul, he's suddenly forgiven for all the times he tried to kill you, and when he tried to rape you." Xander replied, rather regretful that he sounded so forceful.  
  
"He's NOT suddenly forgiven Xander!" Buffy said, walking up and standing in front of him. "Remember when Angel went evil? We forgave him when he came back with his soul. Even Giles said that Angelus and Angel weren't the same person, so Angel couldn't be punished for what Angelus did. Well, there's not all that much difference between Souled Spike and Unsouled Spike! And that's got to be a good thing hasn't it?" Buffy was pleading with him to understand.  
  
Xander tuned out the second he heard Buffy say Angels name. "Of course!" he thought to himself. He suddenly knew what it was he had to do.  
  
"Whatever Buffy, I'll just need a little time adjusting is all." Xander said, distractedly. "Anyway, I'm going to make a move now, give you a call tomorrow ok?" and with that, he walked into the dinning room, gave Dawn a peck on the forehead, and strode out the door without even a glance at Spike.  
  
"Pleasant chap that." Spike muttered under his breath when Xander was gone.  
  
"Leave him alone Spike. It'll take him a little longer to get used to you than the rest of us because he hated you so much to begin with." Buffy said, sighing.  
  
The phone was ringing as Xander opened the door to his apartment.  
  
"Xander, I'm coming home" an excited Willow screamed down the line.  
  
"Oh Will, you have no idea how happy this makes me! I need you so much right now. Spikes back and getting all cuddly with Buffy and Dawn again, and he claims that he's got a soul, but I don't believe a word of it but whenever I say anything Buffy or Dawn jump down my throat and take his side and it has just occurred to me that I haven't even asked you how you are, so, how are you Will?" Xander was so relieved to hear his best friends voice! She always seemed to sense when he needed her.  
  
"I'm really good Xander! I feel 100% better than the last time we spoke! So, down to business. what is it that is really upsetting you? The fact that he's back with a soul (and I'm still coming to terms with that!) and you can't have a logical reason to hate him anymore?" Willow was giggling, knowing there would never be any love between the two men, but imagining how hard Xander was taking the fact that the demon he hated more than anything, was probably going to end up being a very good person.  
  
"No" Xander said through clenched teeth, "I don't believe him Will! He's up to something, I can feel it."  
  
"Xander, you have to calm down! Buffy can take care of herself and Dawn! I'll be home on Thursday, promise me you won't do anything until I get back." Willow said, suddenly serious. She could hear the tone of Xanders' voice and knew he was genuinely upset.  
  
"Ok Will, I promise. Gotta go, call me and let me know what time your plane comes in and I'll pick you up. Can't want to see you." And with that, he hung up the phone.  
  
He sat for half the night debating what he should do. He'd made a promise to Willow, but he was scared that something might happen in the meantime. There was only one thing he could do in the circumstances. He picked up his pen and wrote a note:  
  
Angel,  
  
Spikes in town, minus the chip.  
  
He's after Buffy and Dawn.  
  
They need your help.  
  
A Friend.  
  
He walked to the post box and sent the letter. "Oh well" he muttered to himself, "there's no going back now!" 


	7. Chapter 7

7.  
  
Angel was about as close to a nervous breakdown as a Vampire can get.  
  
He'd been locked in a box and thrown into the middle of the ocean for 3 months. Locked in it by his own son. When the welded clasp holding the box closed finally gave way, and he was released, his appearance was so frightening to people, that ghost stories were being told... about a man with a sunken face wandering around the beach, wailing.  
  
He'd hidden outside a butchers shop for a full week and had eaten everything they threw out, and drank as much blood as he could find. He'd even gone so far as to eat the rats which also inhabited the area. It was too frighteningly reminiscent of his time before Buffy...  
  
When he felt like he was almost back to his old self, he called Fred & Gunn and asked them to pick him up. Once the greetings and explanations were finished, he was told about Cordelia's disappearance. He was distraught, and automatically blamed Connor.  
  
The hotel felt different when he returned. Connor was standing on the stairs, in battle stance, waiting for him. Angel had spent too long thinking things over, he couldn't be bothered with an all out brawl, so just casually walked up to him, grabbed him around the collar and demanded to know what he'd done with Cordy. Connor was genuinely shocked that Angel thought he had anything to do with her disappearance, and Angel could tell by his manner that he was telling the truth. He told Connor to get out of his sight for at least a month. He was scared, that if he looked at him too much, he'd kill him for what he had put him through. He told him that maybe, one day, they could talk about what he had done. But not yet.  
  
After a month, he started to get back into the routine of things. He had called Lorne and begged for him to come back. He needed help tracking Cordelia down. One day, as he was rivelling through his correspondence, he found a letter addressed to him. It was a letter from "a friend" asking for his help with Spike.  
  
He wasn't feeling too threatened. Buffy had dealt with Spike before. But he knew she was different since she returned. Not to mention that the grapevine had told him Spike fancied himself in love with Buffy. What damage could he do if he thought it was love. The minute he thought this, he realised how very wrong he was. The worst damage could be done. He would've felt better if all Spike wanted to do was Kill Buffy. The problem was, he realised, that everybody relaxed their attitudes with Spike the minute he got the chip. But now, by the sounds of the letter, Spike had the chip removed. He was going to be trouble!  
  
He didn't know what he should do! He missed Cordelia. She would have told him what to do. He had to find her! But, he also had to help Buffy!  
  
A few days later, Lorne arrived. Angel told him everything that had happened to him. He put him in charge of locating Cordelia. He just knew she wasn't dead. He asked him to use any demon sources he could find... just find her. "Call me on my cell phone when you have news" he yelled as he ran out the door. He was going in search of Connor.  
  
He went to the old factory Holtz used when he had his little band of wannabe Slayers. Sure enough, there was Connor, sitting at a table with Justine, eating dinner. He watched them for a while, eating in silence, atmosphere strained, before he made his presence known.  
  
"So," began Angel, "It's the bitch and my beloved son!". Justine jumped up, startled. "I don't know what you conspired with Connor to make him lock me in a box and dump me in the ocean, but what ever it was, you have 20 seconds to tell him the truth. I used to be bad, I haven't been for a while and I'm not planning on being ever again. And I never hurt Holtz."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about" Justine muttered, very unconvincingly. Connor watched this display in amazement! He always believed what she told him. Angel had killed Holtz. He'd bitten him and sucked him dry. Watching her, he realised she had guilt written all over her face. He grabbed her by the throat and pinned her to the wall. "Tell me" he said through gritted teeth. She finally said "Fine! I don't care anymore. Holtz is gone. He asked me to stab him twice in the throat. To make it look like puncture marks, and then he told me to tell you Angel had killed him. I didn't want to do it, I loved that man. But it was his final wish, and if I hadn't done it for him, he would have done it himself."  
  
Connor wasn't raised in this dimension. He came from a place where killing somebody was a basic survival. Before Angel could stop him, he had Justine's head in his hands, and had broken her neck. "Connor No!" Angel shouted when he saw what Connor meant to do, but it was too late.  
  
"She was a murderer and a liar." was all Connor had to say.  
  
"You can't just go around killing people! You'll end up in jail! You probably don't know what Jail is, but it's not good! Remember that box you put me in? Imagine being in a room about as big as that for the next 25 years! That's what happens to people who kill other people in this world."  
  
"What's done is done. I could have killed you! Because she lied to me. She deserved it. But I'll try and refrain from now on if it's what you want. I'm so sorry... dad." Connor looked down, overcome with emotion.  
  
"We'll deal with that later. Right now, I need your help." Angel said, not wanting to think about what Connor had said.  
  
"Sure, anything. What do you want me to do?" Connor asked, eager to start making up for everything he'd done.  
  
"We're going on a little trip. We're going to Sunnydale to help an old friend of mine, and to kill another old friend, but this one's an evil Vampire, so it's ok." And with that, he turned on his heal and walked towards his car, Connor following. 


	8. Chapter 8

8.  
  
Things with Spike were moving slowly, but positively. He'd spent 3 evenings at Buffys place in the past week, all of which had ended with them patrolling together.  
  
Willow was coming home the following day, and Buffy had asked if Spike would like to spend the evening with Dawn, so she could go with Xander to pick Willow up from the airport, and to get her settled back into her parents place. Buffy wanted Willow to move back into her house, but Willow felt that she wasn't ready to sleep in the same bed she had shared with Tara, as well as Dawns cold attitude towards her. It was this very thing that Dawn and Spike were discussing after Buffy had left.  
  
"She thinks we should all just forgive her! I mean, she tried to kill me!" Dawn was saying.  
  
"Pet, you seem to forget that I tried to kill you lots of times! A bit of forgiveness goes a long way every now and then. What Willow did, she did out of total grief. I get that. I wonder how I would react if Buffy." Spike stopped suddenly, aware of what he was about to say. Although they knew he still loved Buffy, it was an unspoken topic.  
  
He cleared his throat as an uncomfortable silence descended on the room. "Hows about I go through some fighting technics with you niblet?"  
  
"Cool" Dawn squealed, eager to change the subject also. She had no problems with Spikes love for Buffy, but she knew it made him uncomfortable, and she didn't want him to feel that way.  
  
He went to Buffy's weapons chest got out two swords and began instructing her on sword fighting, "A diagonal right-to-left cut aimed primarily at the head or neck is the strongest and most common cut. Now, variations may also be thrown at the arms or shoulders and even aimed as far down as the leg. This is most effective from the high guard. A vertical downward cut is also made in the same manner." As he was talking, he was demonstrating the moves and Dawn was defending herself most aptly. Suddenly the door was kicked in, and before either of them had time to recover, Angel had Spike pinned to the floor with a wooden stake at his heart.  
  
"I should've done this a long time ago Spike." Angel grunted as he raised his arm to stake Spike. Dawn, seeing what was about to happen, grabbed Angels arm and banged it over her knee, making Angel drop the stake. She started to explain when a young man ran into the room and grabbed Dawn, holding her arms behind her back. "Let go of me you jerk!" Dawn screamed as she struggled in his grasp. Connor held on tighter and said "Dad, is this one also a Vampire? She's a bit young!"  
  
"Dad?" Dawn said, looking at Angel. Angel ignored her "Connor, allow me to introduce Dawn. This is Buffy's younger sister. This "thing" on the floor is the Vampire, but he won't be for long - I just have to find where that stake went."  
  
"Hey, wait a minute!" Spike was saying, scrambling to get out of Angels' way, but not quickly enough. Angel grabbed his ankle and held on tightly. "Not this time Spike! You've had a good innings, been around for what? 120 - 130 years? I think mankind has had enough of you. Time for you to become dust."  
  
"But wait Angel" Dawn screamed, frantically trying to escape Connors grasp. "Spikes good! He's our friend! If you lay a finger on him, Buffy will kill you!" This gave Angel pause. "But, the letter I got!" he exclaimed! "And I saw him, from the window - fighting with you!"  
  
"I can't explain the letter you're talking about," Dawn said, finally freeing herself and rushing over to help Spike get up "But he was TEACHING me how to fight, not fighting WITH me!"  
  
For the first time since entering, Angel had a good look at Spike. There was something different about him. He had a sad look in his eyes. And he noticed that he wasn't coming out with any sarcastic remarks, in fact, he almost looked helpless! "Spike, you've got a soul!" he said as the truth suddenly dawned on him.  
  
"Yeah mate, joined the ranks of the pathetic I did." Spike said as he straightened himself up. "Thought you might need a groupie!"  
  
Angel was speechless "But - but - but - When?" he managed to stammer. "Oh, 'bout 4 months ago now. And what's this bleeding letter you were talking about anyway?" Spike asked.  
  
Angel reached into his coat pocket and produced the letter, handing it to Spike. Spike read the note and looked at Dawn. "You know what Xanders handwriting looks like Dawn?" he asked. She went to the nearby table, opened a draw and got out a birthday card from Xander. They compared the writing and it was obviously written by the same person.  
  
"But why would he do that?" Dawn asked. "Because he doesn't like me Bit. It's easy enough to understand. Why he'd waste old peaches time I don't know! Maybe to kill two birds with one stone. Get rid of both of Buffys Vampires in one hit."  
  
Angel looked up at Spike quickly. "What do you mean 'Buffy's Vampires'? You're not Buffy's Vampire! In fact, I'm not anymore either."  
  
Spike sighed deeply and said "You're wrong mate. I AM Buffy's Vampire, and I will be for the rest of my undead life. She's a part of me now, she's in my system. I now understand how you felt when you were with her, and I love her with every inch of my being."  
  
Angel was dumbfounded! "Cordy told me! But I didn't believe her! I laughed at her! And does Buffy feel the same way about you?"  
  
"No" "Yes" Spike and Dawn answered him at the same time. Angel looked from one to the other. "Well, which is it?"  
  
"She DOES love him. She just doesn't really realise it yet." Dawn answered him.  
  
"Well!" Angel finally said. "Tonight HAS been a night of revelations hasn't it? I never thought I'd be replaced by you Spike! I mean, I didn't approve of Riley, but at least he was human, but you Spike? I mean - you're Spike!"  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence mate" Spike muttered under his breath.  
  
"He seems ok Dad" Connor interrupted. "And besides, you've got Cordy now." With that comment, all his worries about Cordy came rushing back. "Oh god, Cordy! I wonder if Lorne's had any luck! Connor, we should go. Tell Buffy I stopped by would you Dawn? And Spike. I hope this soul thing works out for you, I really do. But if you hurt Buffy, you know I'll kill you don't you?"  
  
"Angel, if I hurt Buffy, I'd kill myself." Spike replied. "Nice to meet your offspring, has a very strong resemblance to Darla doesn't he?" he said, tilting his head to the side, staring at Connor.  
  
"Um - yeah, Darla is his mother. Or, was I should say. She's gone now."  
  
"And, the age thing? I mean, I don't remember you having any kids while you were around here? Actually, how is it possible you have a son at all?" Dawn asked.  
  
"It's a long, involved story Dawn. Lets just say, we were separated when he was a baby, and he came back to me a man. As for how? Only the Powers That Be know! I really wish I could've seen Buffy."  
  
"Well, it's your lucky day isn't it?" came Buffy's voice from the door. "Or were you just going to pop in and out again without saying hello?" 


	9. Chapter 9

9.  
  
Angel walked up to Buffy and gave her a hug. "It's good to see you Buffy. Was just catching up on old times with Spike and Dawn."  
  
Spike watched this interchange and felt a tinge of jealousy in his chest. He felt like he could never compete with Angel. He slipped Xanders letter in his pocket and looked at Dawn, shaking his head in warning.  
  
"It's good to see you too Angel, what are you doing here?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Um - Angel was just passing through is all." Spike answered for him.  
  
Angel looked at Spike and declined his head in a silent acknowledgement. Xander wouldn't be mentioned.  
  
"And who's this guy?" Buffy said, point to Connor. "One of your friends Dawn?"  
  
Angel cleared his throat "No Buffy. This is Connor, he's - well - he's my son."  
  
Buffy stared at Connor and saw Angels intensity staring back at her. "Oh, well, it's nice to meet you." She said, shaking his hand.  
  
They all stood in the hallway, not knowing what to say when Angels cell phone started ringing.  
  
Angel looked at Connor and said "It's Lorne!" and then quickly answered it.  
  
"Any news?" he asked down the phone.  
  
"Yeah, good news. I've found her." Lorne began. "I gave a singing lesson to a dimension shifting Halthwop Demon who was quite taken with a woman he met in a templar realm. She was very unhappy to be there, kept talking about how she was in love with someone in another dimension, and how she had to find a way to get back to him. He's offered to help. All it will cost is 5 more singing lessons!"  
  
"But, you're sure it's Cordelia?" Angel asked.  
  
"Yes, he described her perfectly. Beautiful, strong, and endowed with the gift of a seer. He also mentioned outspoken and fashion crazy. there can only be one person like that in any dimension!" Lorne laughed. "He's off to get her now, but don't rush back because he said it would take at least 4 days before they returned. Something about a collision reflux that had to pass before they could make it back."  
  
"Lorne, I love you!" Angel screamed down the phone! "I'll stay here and catch up with Buffy and Dawn and we'll leave tomorrow. Call me if you have any more information." And with that he hung up the phone.  
  
Angel looked at Buffy and realised for the first time that he was no longer in love with her. He would love her for eternity, but he was in love with Cordelia. She and Connor were his first priorities now.  
  
"Dawn, why don't you and Spike show Connor around Sunnydale. Angel and I need to talk" Buffy said without breaking Angels gaze.  
  
Spike didn't fully understand what was going on. He was normally so intuitive, but when it came to Buffy, he was as blind as a bat. "Actually, I'd better head off. Got some thing to do." He said, the hurt obvious in his voice. "Take care of your dad mate." He said to Connor as he walked out the door.  
  
"Spike!" Buffy called, but he didn't answer. He didn't want to hear her tell him how much she loved Angel and how good it was to see him again. He couldn't deal with it right now.  
  
"Let him go Buffy" Dawn said. "Ok Connor, Have you like got a change of clothes or anything? Because I can hardly take you to the bronze in that get up! You look like a homeless guy!" and with that they walked out into the night leaving Buffy and Angel alone in the house. 


	10. Chapter 10

So... I haven't written anything in about 7 years, but I just realised, I hadn't finished my story... so here goes... is all completely irrelevant now that both Buffy and Angel have been finished in years, but just pretend it picks up where it left off...

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"So", Buffy started, "You have a son and you're in love with.... Lorne?"

Angel was so shocked by what she said he just burst out laughing. The laugh sounded slightly hysterical and Buffy didn't understand.

"Buffy, I have missed you!" Angel said, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Sit down, let's talk" he said, taking her by the hand and leading her to the lounge chair.

"So much has happened since we last spoke" he began. "Yes, Connor is my son. Biologically and everything". Buffy started "But how..." when Angel interrupted her. "This is hard for me, please, let me finish." He took another deep breath. "Darla did something miraculous in more ways than one. She fell pregnant. It made her more human-like. She loved that baby. She killed herself before he was born so she wouldn't kill him after he was born. Then he was taken from me and sent to another dimension, one where time moved more rapidly than ours. He came back this grown boy you met tonight. We hardly know each other, and it's been a rocky beginning, but he's mine."

Buffy's jaw had hit the floor. "Ok, well, I've been involved with enough metaphysical crap myself – see being raised from the dead – to believe everything you've told me. So what's this about Cordelia?"

Angel looked at his hands which were folded in his lap. "Well... Cordy and I have... fallen in love. Neither of us planned it, but it's happened, and I can't say I regret it."

Buffy tried to be mad. She tried to feel betrayed, but she just couldn't muster it. After all, she was having similar feelings for Spike. And yeah, Cordy could be an evil bitch queen, but at least she was human! So who was Buffy to contradict!

At that moment, Xander burst through the door.

"Buffy, are you alone? Please tell you don't have that freak here?"

Angel stood up and faced Xander "Well that would depend on which freak you were talking about Xander".

Xander stared nervously, flicking his eyes between Angel and Buffy "Angel – what brings you to lovely Sunnydale?" He had a gleam of anticipation in his eyes. Then he saw that Buffy looked confused, but not upset, like she should, if Angel had killed Spike. Angel met Xanders eyes and said "Oh, nothing really, just received a letter from an old friend so thought I'd come and pay a visit. It seems my friend was grievously mistaken – even to the point of causing some serious evil."

Xander paled, and swallowed a lump in his throat.

Buffy was watching the exchange with ever growing suspicion and finally said "Ok, what's going on that I don't know about."

Both Angel and Xander looked at Buffy. Each waiting for the other to begin.


	11. Chapter 11

Angel looked at Xander. "Do you want to tell her or shall I? Oh, by the way, the 'evil vampire Spike' did NOT want Buffy to know this… so maybe it's time you redefined your view of 'evil' Xander."

"Spike didn't want me to know what?" Buffy asked, suspicion creeping into her voice.

Xander sighed, he knew when he'd lost "I wrote a letter to Angel. I lied in the letter, I told him Spike had found a way to remove the chip, and that he'd come back to kill you and Dawn. That's why Angel's here."

Buffy stared at Xander in shock. The tension in the room could have been cut by a knife. "Get out" Buffy finally said. "Get out and don't come back until you're ready to apologise to Spike – and to Angel for wasting his time. And to me for insulting my intelligence and acting all macho. Like I don't have enough shit to worry about Xander. Just get out, you make me sick."

"But Buffy…", Xander began. Buffy held up her hand, face averted "No Xander, get the fuck out of here. You can't behave like a true friend, so I won't treat you like one. Go!" The last word was a scream.

Xander looked at Angel for help. Angel shrugged. With one last look at Buffy, Xander turned around and fled.

Buffy collapsed onto the lounge, "Oh god, what just happened?"

Angel sat down beside Buffy and gently took her hand, "Buffy, Xander has needed somebody to put him in his place for years. You know, I've never really understood why Xander hated Spike and me so much, when he loved Anya so much. Anya has killed more people in her long, long life than Spike and I combined. He's always been such a hypocrite. I know you love him, and he'll come back to you, as always, tail between his legs. Just watch, you'll see."

Buffy sighed, "I hope so. I don't know what life would be like for me without Xander in it. I'm just so sick of his bullshit, you know? Anyway, it's late. Dawn's out with Connor, and you're not heading back to LA until tomorrow right? You guys need a place to sleep! You can have Willow's room."

Buffy stood up, business taking over, "I'll get you some towels and some clean sheets" and headed to the linen closet.

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Dawn and Connor were having a great time at the Bronze. Connor was such a cutie, and it didn't hurt Dawn's reputation at all to be seen with him. Shame about the clothes, but some girls like that grungy/homeless look. The fact that he felt like a brother didn't stop Dawn from parading Connor around, introducing him to everyone she saw.

Connor was reserved to begin with, but when he realised that the venue he was in was a place of recreational fun, he settled down and trusted Dawn not to abuse him in any way. There were so many pretty females in this place. And a lot of them were looking at him, but no like he was used to, not like he was food. Well, kind of like he was food, but it didn't feel bad. In fact, he liked it. He liked the way girls were smiling at him, and blushing when he caught their glance. He didn't understand it, he didn't understand what his hormones were doing to him, but he liked it. He felt like a great cat, a predator, on the hunt, but not to kill.

One particularly attractive girl sidled up to Connor and leant in to whisper in his ear, "You're not really here with that 'girl' are you?" Her voice sounded like music, it sounded good enough to lick. He felt paralysed with wanting to touch her, to kiss her.

Dawn saw the particular exchange, saw the submissive, anticipatory expression on Connor's face. Although she knew she had no claim on him in a romantic way, she was also not going to let him walk out with a complete stranger – and a complete stranger who appeared to be doing some kind of mojo on him. "Actually, yes, we are together," Dawn told him, pushing the woman gently away, "and it's time for us to go. See ya!" She grabbed Connor's arm before he had a chance to react, and pushed him towards the door.

"Sorry Connor," she said when they got outside, "But who knows what the woman was! And your dad and Buffy will be worried about us if we don't go home soon." As soon as Connor was out in the fresh air, he realised that he didn't care. It was like that woman inside had put some sort of hypnotizing spell on him!

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Spike was lying on his bed. Why had he thought this could work? What ridiculous part of his brain actually thought that if he came back, he could make things work? Just when Spike was on the verge of sleep, a thought came to him… something was going to happen, things were going to change… and then he drifted off slowly to sleep.

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That night, everyone slept soundly. You'd think after all of the excitement that dreams would have invaded their sleep. But no, it was almost a preternatural sleep.

Buffy awoke suddenly, wondering if something had woken her. She listened carefully, but couldn't hear any odd noises which would have woken her. With a force so strong it nearly took her breath away she realised that she HAD to see Spike. She had to see him now. She got up to go down to the kitchen. Everyone else still seemed to be asleep.

As she walked down the stairs, there was Spike. He was sitting on the lounge, head in his hands. "Spike? What are you doing here? Are you ok?" Buffy went over and stood before him.

Spike looked up to her. He had such sorrow in his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm here so early, I'm sorry I'm here at all. I just had to come, it was like there was some compulsion in me, I didn't have a choice. I woke up and just knew I had to be here." Buffy stared at him, eyes wide "I had the same thing when I woke up. I just new I had to see you, I was coming down here to grab a coffee, then I was going to head over to the mansion. I don't know why, I don't know what I'd say when I got there, but I just knew I had to see you."

She moved up closer to him, and the closer she got, the stronger the desire to touch him became. They were staring into each others eyes, drowning in each others eyes. He pulled her to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder. She meant to simply lay her lips against his neck. But when she was close enough to smell his skin, all her good intentions vanished. He smelled so warm, so incredibly warm. She wanted to put her mouth against that warmth, so she did. There was a quiet voice, deep in her mind, trying to get out, telling her that that he shouldn't be warm, he was basically dead, he shouldn't be warm. That voice was drowned out by the very warmth it was trying to deny. She licked along his neck, licked over the skin, like he was candy. He shuddered in her arms.

Her arms slid down his back, across his shoulders, folding her body around his. He'd behaved himself until then, hands at his sides, but now he reached for her, wrapped her in the strength of his arms, the force of his fingers, kneading at my her through her clothes.

She heard him whisper, "Oh, God."

Just at that moment, the door opened, and Willow walked in.

"Hi guys, did you miss me?" She stopped, staring at them, dumbfounded, then said "What the hell are you doing? I can feel magical power around the two of you that is intoxicating… what is going on?"


	12. Chapter 12

"_Hi guys, did you miss me?" She stopped, staring at them, dumbfounded, then said "What the hell are you doing? I can feel magical power around the two of you that is intoxicating… what is going on?"_

Buffy and Spike, still with their arms tightly wrapped around each other, both looked at Willow, standing in the doorway with her, jaw wide open in shock.

"Buffy?" she asked, hesitantly, like she wasn't quite sure if Buffy understood her. Buffy reluctantly dropped her arms, and it seemed like she had to force herself to walk to Willow.

"Willow" she said emotionally, engulfing her in a hug. Once she'd broken away, she looked back to Spike, who was standing in the same spot, his arms outstretched towards Buffy and a pained expression on his face. That was Buffy's undoing, she raced back over to him, back into his arms.

They stayed like that for a moment, just staring at each other, marvelling at each other.

"Um, Buffy, I'm sorry to interrupt when something big is obviously going on here – but you have your arms around Spike, and you both look like you want to eat each other, and there's the magic and everything, and hey - I've just come back from overseas and you can't even talk to me for a second?" As she was talking, she was working herself up, and obvious frustration was seeping through.

"Oh Willow!" Buffy said, never taking her eyes away from Spike, "Isn't he magnificent?".

Willow was clearly taken aback – her little emotional speech had obviously had zero affect. "Um, he's alright, but he's SPIKE."

"Spike" Buffy repeated, saying the word like she was tasting some delicious chocolate, and Spike, hearing his name said in such a provocative manner, growled low in his throat. They heads bent towards each other, obviously about to kiss.

That was enough for Willow. She dumped her luggage, raced over to them and pushed them apart. Again, Spike growled, but not quite as sensually, it was more aggressive. "Whoa, whoa, whoa… something is happening here. Doesn't this remind you of that love spell that happened a few years ago? The one I was kind of responsible for?"

Buffy wasn't listening; she was too busy trying to push past Willow to get back in Spikes arms. Spike, who could have easily thrown Willow out of the way, was obviously keeping some visage of control, and was now looking at Willow. "Yes, you're right" he said, reluctantly. "Buffy love, something's happening."

Buffy stopped fighting, dropped her arms and pouted. "I don't care!" she said, sookily.

"I know this is hardly the time, but wow Buffy, you smell great!" Willow said, trying to take Buffy's mind off her current situation. It had the opposite effect "Oh, do you like it?" Buffy said giddily, "Spike got it for me!".

"Spike's buying you presents?" Willow asked, disbelievingly.

"Yeah, heaps of them. We're in love you see.", as if this explained the matter.

This seemed to be the final straw in waking Spike up. "Buffy!" he said commandingly, "This isn't like you. Think about what you're doing."

Buffy stared at him for a second, obviously fighting her urges, "Ok" she said, turned away and sat down on the lounge. "So, ok, this feeling, let me analyse it."

Willow shock her head and muttered under the breath "She wouldn't listen to me, but the big bad Vampire tells her to listen and she goes all into serious mode. Typical. And have I even got a 'welcome back Willow'? Of course not! It's straight back to business."

Spike, with his exceptional hearing, laughed softly. "Welcome back Willow, you've been missed."

Willow stared at him in surprise. That was hardly what she expected to hear, and hardly who she expected to hear it from. "Um, thanks Spike, I guess." She said back to him reluctantly.

She followed Buffy to the lounge and sat down. "So how long has this been going on?" she asked, hoping to start somewhere.

Buffy just shook her head. Spike answered for her. "Well, I was lying in bed, just thinking, you know, normal stuff, when I suddenly had a compulsion to come over here. I couldn't NOT come, I had no choice. Before I knew it, I was sitting right here and Buffy was coming down the stairs.

"That's right!" Buffy said, like an idea had just dawned on her, "I was asleep, and I woke up, and I just knew I had to see Spike, so I got up, and here he is!"

"Ok", Willow said, thinking out aloud, "So both of you have had compulsion spells put on you. That's a pretty serious spell, takes quite of lot of components. Who'd do something like that, and why would they do it I wonder.

Spike and Buffy looked at each other and said together "Xander".

"Xander?" Willow said, clearly shocked, "What has Xander got to do with this?"

But it was too late. They'd met each others eyes, and they were off again, Buffy had practically flown off the couch and was sitting in Spikes lap, and they were kissing – really kissing – it was sickening for Willow to watch. "Um, guys, can we focus please?"

That brought Spike back to the present. He gave Buffy one last kiss, then reluctantly pushed her away "Love, remember, this isn't you wanting to do this." He said, obviously not wanting to admit it.

"Um, I'm kind of wondering about that," Willow added.

Spike looked at her, enquiringly. Buffy was trying her hardest to kiss Spikes neck.

"Well, compulsions spells work best when the goal is what the hearts desire actually wants. This is the strongest compulsion I've ever seen, so I'm assuming it stems from some deep desire – I think she actually might want you Spike!"


End file.
